Fucking What the Hell Am I Doing

by Ethan Uhl

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about

started out as a project when i didn't have a guitar and had to stay in denver for a few days, but now it's a full ep of sorts.

credits

released January 5, 2012

eric sings on beer gut for a little, i sample a lot of movies and a lot of game drum sounds

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about

Ethan Uhl Missoula, montana

how self-obsessed can you get

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Track Name: self help books
and i've been missing those days
when livin was so easy
now life seems cut short
and like a flower in the spring time
i'm opening up
please don't forget me

don't forget

you mean a lot to me
Track Name: beer gut
a lot of things i miss
i miss about you
and how your eyes always seem to stare towards the moon

and how we used to talk,
now we can't even get along

now we sleep in separate beds
with recurring dreams we can't forget

come back to me, i swear i'll keep my eyes on the ground
or at least on you
Track Name: and i oops my slamma jamma
killing myself would be too easy at this point
and everything else seems like a quick escape
for something that won't matter in the end

and then there's you
wrapped up in blankets in my memories
i've been trying see you
or what is left,
cause it seems like there's nothing

when i say that i love you
well i wish you would believe me
because i meant it now more than ever

well i believed in you
for two years too long
Track Name: gardenback
well you were more than a little bit drunk
and i was more than a little bit sober
looking over our shoulders in the pauses when we'd talk

and you'd laugh
and i'd laugh
we'd go on and on all night

now those days are gone
and i don't talk to anyone
stay inside alone
and hate everything i've become

20 years older
and never a day when i didn't want to take it all back

well i never remember anything
Track Name: medivacation
i'm scared as fuck
of turning cold, bitter and dark
running out of love
just like my parents did, my parents would

i shy away
from small affection and easy escapes
my hate half baked
just to prove to myself that i can stay

i've been staring at walls
trying to see right through them
breaking my knuckles
in the alley of the mall

throwing up scared
in the quick of my car
and god how i cave
and god how i cave

but it never stays
when you turn away
it holds and stays
and it never decays, it never decays

and my eyes always white
and my stare always constant
and even my best friends think
that i finally lost it

screaming to no one in the dark
realizing that you were right
"you're too scared to succeed
so you'll never try"
Track Name: wide awake
and i hate the wreck i've become
when you are not around
and i've heard everything
but you were the loneliest sound

pretend to love me
and i will love you back
and i can't regret that i never gave you back
why can't i
run away

so please love me
like you used to

sing me a happy song
and i will sing along
sing me a happy song
and i will sing alone
Track Name: stomach pump
i shaved the top half of my leg just to feel what it would be like
to be unencumbered
and as i scratched my sleep away, i begged for any sort of escape
and now ruining myself is just a way i get around

now no matter how ugly it is, i feel myself clawing into my skin
and pushing you out of me, just so you could get some sleep

and most days i have no excuse
for how i have treated you
but i don't want to talk,
i just want to feel your hand on my hand
Track Name: password
who would have thought that i'd gotten this far
picking the little dipper out of the sky
i keep pressing on to nowhere
trying to say and do everything right
i just want to wake up one day
and not have to rub my memories out of my eyes

these modern lies keep crawling into my throat
these changes keep blocking the ways i would go
burning my hands, breaking my fingers
knowing full well that i'll never see her again
and again

there's a lot of things i miss
i miss about you
and the way your eyes would always say

killing myself would be too easy at this point