FUKANAME X

by Ethan Uhl

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01:14
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02:42
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03:54
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04:30
11.
05:21

about

some acoustic songs i wrote

credits

released January 25, 2015

morgan sings on track 6, i sing and play guitar on every song

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about

Ethan Uhl Missoula, montana

how self-obsessed can you get

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Track Name: City of Angles
like a big fucking rock that's pushing down on me
well i miss you too much to ever wanna sleep
are you busy? is this bad timing?
are you drunk? i wish you weren't crying

like the state lines that stand up like waves
and the facebook posts begging me to pray
i wished you were here 49 minutes from 12
no time left in heaven for an eternity in hell

what if you hate me? what if you move on?
well it's been 3 years and im so scared of people
treating me like i have them

is anybody listening? is anybody there?
i feel so alone and i feel so wasteful and
i just wish that you would pretend to care

because i wrote some songs in my bedroom
as if that would make me unique
i thought theyd take me away from this place
but now even my dad wont talk to me

he's the one who taught me these chords
he's the one who told me to sing
but now this guitar is all that i have
and there is nothing good about me

so another song about nothing
with a I and a IV and not much else
"pity party" by old shoes sung over and over
with so much less to tell

and now i can see
why you dont talk to me
Track Name: I Wanna Live On Star Trek
i SHFFLed til my fingers bled writing dead, dead thoughts on even deader trees
and gummy knees built ontop of gummy bones sat in the middle of thick black smoke just to take you home
i held a bright light to a love note but the flame was extinguished by the wettest snow
put out by the black cat fire i ran away from last year

i wanna live on star trek i wanna live on star trek i wanna live on star trek i wanna live on star trek

listening to the b52s with a sun that shines brighther than you standing grouped in my brain turning my thoughts untuned
it's a pain that never goes away it's a month that always swells to decay like
your cat breath steaming up my computer desk's windows 95 minutes from the end
and the move credits play anyway

i wanna live on star trek

can you take me home? tuck me in thru the phone? wake up with no clothes on?
can you leave me for dead? can your black eyes shred up my white lies til i got nothing but water and bread i wanna live on star trek
Track Name: Prose Hard
can you give me a break?
cuz i've hardly been here for weeks on days
can you give me a sign?
that what's good now is good tomorrow night

cuz my face is worn and my shoes are black
and the way i live is a heart attack
and the people i meet never remember my name
and my legs get numb when they winter break

cuz yr dad dont care about yr glowion rise
and yr mom dont care where you sleep at night
can you tell me tell me tell me i got this right
just tell me please god say i got this right
ccuz i been waitin i been waitin for a single sound
thatll pick me up and break me of this town
itll fly me to a beach and drown me good
and even if it cant can you tell me it could

cuz im a bunch of dead ideals in an ugly shell
and my blood dont pump it's just goin stale
and ever since my mom met me
she's been trying to get me to smile at least
and i know it doesnt matter but its stuck in my head
that no one cares who i coulda been
and all the love i have wanted to give
i'll just pose hard on my blog like i dont give a shit
Track Name: Advanced Darkness
i used to want the best for myself
i used to regale in the beating of my heart
but i used to want to be an astronaut
and now i’m lucky if i see the stars

i am a rock withering down
in the bottom of a river
i am the top of the 9th
in a no hitter
i am a storm
that ruins yr summer

wearing my weariness like a medal
i pretended to be asleep
in a world where my aspirations
were just to force myself to dream

in the depth of rock bottom
i am my actions stunted
when i realized my songs could have
been written by nick stutsman
i am my father
just much quieter

i wanted to kiss you when i met you
but you hadn’t thought of me that way
and that’s okay
that’s okay

i just wish i had one friend to my name
Track Name: Redumption
these flowers by my bedside, the ankles set to dawn
and all i wanted to do was fuck without the sheets on
but i was too afraid of what i look like naked and exposed

i was a glass lighthouse, overlooking a troubled sea
and overwhelmingly set frightened and free

from rapunzel, to joints in the dark
set off a bomb downtown in mccormick park
my knees aching and feelings prepared
i never got to the unavoidable end

and now when we talk it's just in blurs
drunken texts and angry slurs
remember the days when we used to laugh
im missin everything thats in the past

so let me out or let me stay
and i'll ask for more soda
but i wont ever feel awake

i wont ever feel awake
Track Name: Don't Forget!
like ten whole years that up and walked away
i am the culmination of all of my mistakes
doing some dumbass shit just to make my knuckles bleed
and i am up singing songs when i should be asleep

i start picking at the scars like they're shinking me down
into this jealous angry person that i am now
its not my fault its not my fault i could repeat it forever
but its stuck in the back of my mind if its for better

or worse!
i was so scared to make a sound

you would give it a chance if you cared enough to try
and complain so hard when it doesnt go right
like all the food you burnt circa 2012
you were too far gone to ever tell

sometimes the best songwriting is when you tell it like it is
and like every metaphor that you never get
the notes never reach, they never even sing
i was so scared of believing a single thing

i was so scared to make a sound
i was so scared to make a sound

and you said "dont forget that i love you"
"dont forget that i love you"

"dont forget that i love you"
it rang like an alarm waking me up
"dont forget that i love you"
like my heart remembered my blood
"dont forget that i love you"
i dont wanna be the person i've been
"dont forget that i love you"
i wont ever forget that again

cuz now i got a reason for openin up
like a boat carryin me away from a flood
and so every night i sleep with your sweater
if we gotta drown, we'll drown together
Track Name: You and You
i tried to play it cool
cuz you don’t like when i freak out
i looked through my photos of you
tried to erase the worries and doubts
but when i’m alone
i run sandpaper through all of my nice things
and when i’m alone
i just end up hurting my own feelings

because if you were out of my life
id wake up dryer and dryer every night
and when you realize the monster i am
my guilt will rise and my guilty eyes

and i woke up on star trek
and no one knew my name
i was more a stranger in my fantasies
and all the people i love just hated me

and you and you and you and you and you and you become
and you and you and you and you and you and you become
the space between and the worries breed and there’s nothing more i miss
than you and you and you and you and you and you and you

i wish a song would fix it
but what if this is forever
what if youre ashamed
when we’re together
what if i’m a loser
and this is as far as i will ever go
im so worried ill wake up from a nap
and all ill ever do is stay in this room alone

i try to calm myself down
remember when i had a couple more friends
i start back up my conversations with the walls
and missing you again
Track Name: Megamorphosis
my legs are rough
my face is dirty
i've given up
on my body
like everyone else i'm fire just waiting to be lit
if i could hide all winter long could it become metamorphosis

i show up early
i wake up late
all anybody wants is to change
wet grass in my mouth
sticks to my tongue
i took a shower to wash off the drugs

you called me again
just to say
if you were here you'd whip me into shape
but how can a circle
roll up the mountain's face
and you pretend it's just you who is misplaced

i don't wanna apologize
for the things i can't do right
but my lips are saying sorry again
if you could see me now
just waiting around
you could have become metamorposis
Track Name: Suddenly I Feel Like Cleaning Everything
well when it ended it was dark
and most days i just felt dead
i slept on alternating nights
so i could stay up to look for friends

so i didnt leave my room for a year
i didnt want anyone to talk to me
drove to indiana singing dumbass songs
haunted by nightmares of the scene

and if it's all my fault
i guess it aint me to make that call
but i cant make no more apologies
because the things i do i do for me

and the things i made just disappeared
with everyone wonderin where they went
i became a body in a casket
waiting to rise, rise again

i'd like to say i'm doin better
but i am more jealous as i sink
and like every saturday night i played zelda instead
at least now i have a friend who cares what i think

and if it's all my fault
i guess it aint me to make that call
but i cant make no more apologies
but suddenly i feel like cleaning everything
Track Name: Bed of Chaos
i dont do anything at all but wait for you

when you give it too much, itll go away
and the harder you cling, the farther youll stray
and im so worried but im tryin not to show it in my face
and i wake up every morning hating this place

and when i talk it comes out mean and i guess that thats just me
snowed in tongue and rotting teeth and the anger and the greed
and i just sit in the past, hopin for the future
wanting to break down these walls and kick the shit out of my computer

i am young and i am hateful, i wasted my apology song
when i was a kid i was right handed but now i am just wrong
and i stare down at a grey bubble hopin that you fix it
but its up to me its up to me i am the only miss that

and you dont want me to come back and i am okay with that
and you dont want me to react but when i eat its a heart attack
and i can not stare at myself for too long or it starts to choke me out
and i feel like i am trapped here, i am the walls inside this house

i dont do anything at all but wait for you

and i know that i will calm down and i know this all will pass
and i know itll fly into my hand as soon as it escapes my grasp
but i dont learn from my mistakes and i dont ever chill out
i feel like roots are growing from my throat straight into the ground

and when they tear open my body i hope theres bugs and bees and crickets
because i feel like they're crawling in my skin when at night i start to fidget
i am so scared of everything suddenly falling apart
youre the only thing in the world that eases my heart

and i cant say it well if i dont sing it, so i wont hesitate
like budding grass i am cut down to half myself each day
all i want is a dog, a cute house, and some bills that i can pay
but yeah im doin fine i feel pretty good, i'm okay

i dont do anything at all but wait for you
Track Name: FKNM X
what if i dont wanna die alone
am i less of an artist if im scared to know
like a jet stream tearin the sky in half
i could be chemical waste or an escape at last

what if im not selfish tonight
and i dont care about the cities or the bright fuckin lights
i was never too good so it's not so bad
gettin so drunk that all i do is stagger

down the hall
never felt this lost before
if you could see how i crawl
would you want to know me at all

no longer wanna fly away, get lost in space
because im lost in the warmth of your smiling face
like the big black hole in my conscience
and how it got everything it never knew it wanted

and i could stay in bed but id rather get up
because the sun doesnt care bout the hurt in your gut
i hope you can move today
i hope it's easier than it was yesterday

because its hard for me
to do simple things
but you dont have to leave
so youre not going to leave

if i could exit with a single thought
like a line in a bible straight from a god
i would be too worried to decide
i wouldnt sleep well any night

i would stare at the ground or look at my feet
like i do whenever im supposed to meet
the opportunities of a new day
never thought i would feel this way

like a puzzle piece, a missing clue
like i was some ancient forgotten part of you
i am excited and nervous and scared and weak
but lately it brings out the best in me

and im glad people know who i am
and i know things i can do and the things i cant
and i always feel like i should put it to rest
i always feel like fukaname x

right?