a slow song won't fix all my fever dreams
where you're fucking away all the shit that i bleed
oh god is this what i've become
a bitter young kid sugar-stuck to his guns

like my sleepy grown eyes and my freezing fast hands
i'm too terrified to even crash land
"i'm not that bad but i'm not that great"
and hiding away all the jewelry i made

if it's affection i crave why do i keep it to myself
if it's adventure i seek why do i stay sober and well
it's 4 am and i'm shaking again
what if this is all there is what if this is all there is

and i wonder
if it was me that was wrong all this time

but once i attached all the stars in search of your name
and all i could see was my own emptiness and malaise
and how i shout at myself like i did when i was young
feeling spacious as the sky between my lungs

and that time that i was drunk and throwing my stomach out
i sat on the curb staring my palms down
but i haven't read in months, and my hands even less
"fuck it" i said "i am the car wreck"

your voice came in my head like the sun did that morning
and maybe yeah, i could also slip around that corner
but i'm trying to be strong i'm trying to chin up
and i'm trying my hardest not to say the word "love"

and all i really want is to just walk away
and finally escape all my fucking mistakes
because i find myself crying every time i lay down
and thinking of the easy ways i could get out

you were no notes that i could sing or scream out
and my head felt heavy like a puppet laid down
i felt small and trapped and the weakest of the pack
just waiting for your memory to fucking attack

and i'm shaking and scared and alone and i just want to wake up i just want to wake up i just want to wake up