fukaname 4

by Ethan Uhl

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the hardest album to write ever


released March 28, 2014



all rights reserved


Ethan Uhl Missoula, montana

how self-obsessed can you get

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Track Name: i can't wait to burn in hell
hi again to my old friends
goodbye to a few
my god how you have changed
how i have changed you
i'm missing and i'm broken
digitally altering my own head
just so i can sing a little more than
the records i grew up in

you're the saturday morning
to my saturday afternoon
and i don't wanna get high w you in my room

you change me!
yeah you are chasing me!
erasing me!
untracably retaining me

and i'm already gone
Track Name: also new pantera
and i can see my voice in yours
in buffering midnight dreams
and i see how you were
and how you are without me

your palms without my lines
your scars without my shine
your window panes left dry
feeling guilty when you're high

well i feel guilty all the time

but with all that black ice
you've been gone for such a long time
and i'm watching the sun rise again
feeling naked getting thin

and i'm just trying to remember
yourself in me
will you call me soon?
will you cry on me soon?
because i miss you
Track Name: somniphobia
and i miss you now like i missed you then
and i guess i was always more than just a friend
a loose end, heaven sent, and born to repent

well at least last summer i tried my best
just to have it knocked down again and again
a black hornet's rocking nest
spent the rest of my life buried in bed

next to a picture of old friends
next to a picture of my death
and worried, worried for everyone

it's like a nightmare but i can't wake up
so scared again and always under the gun

it's hard to imagine this room without you
its paint chipping off to show the view
the candlelit dinners and the sequence typhoons

like the couple of weeks i spent alone
watching "red dawn" twice and waiting for you by the phone
but i think when you said goodbye you meant it

it's like a nightmare but i can't wake up
so scared of living under the gun
Track Name: de_heaven
i wanna get drunk with you and play ping pong
wanna feel the weight of your head on my chest
wanna keep you long enough to let you go

i wanna breathe your air in my lungs
wanna see the world like you do
want the light in your eyes to forever hold

but now i'm passed out in the bathroom
singing 80s hits i'm a piece of shit
but i can see your dead soul shining in the sun

want the sun to burn out my retinas
want my heart to learn to let love
get a hold of me just as long as i can breathe

and i'm looking
i'm looking for anything
just need one sign of life

wanna run away just to get caught
expose the world my hiding spot
just so all i could sing
"all i ever wanted was everything"

but now i'm passed out in the bathroom
singing 80s hits i'm a piece of shit
but i can see your dead soul shining in the sun
Track Name: parasite city
i tried to take myself out of this parasite city
but i got too comfortable calling the mountains pretty
it's hard to imagine that i'll ever become brave
so i guess i'll wait
i guess i'll wait

i met you here while you were passing htrough
but unlike me you were hell bent on leaving too
you told me to buck up and track you down
once you got out
once you got out

and i want you to haunt me
i need you to grieve me
i used to love you when you loved me
but i was begging you to leave me

i tried a lot to take myself out of this parasite city
but just got sued and crashed and pretended the mountains were pretty
it's so hard to admit when you've made a mistake
but the mistakes i've made
they won't go away
Track Name: gunlung
hey we're all the same
and i keep reminding myself today
i feel ashamed
and i keep texting you
when you're away

give me a break,
dead as i came
so lost and breeding
for you i'm breathing
o how these years will pass me on

you passed me out
you let me down
you saw me naked in a crowd
i could never see how
you deserved the life you found
the love you gave was just a lie
i'm bitter still and undefined
and i swear that once i cry
i will live a better life
i don't wanna talk about it
Track Name: i don't wanna l0se you
when i was 10 years old i died for the first time
realizing then all i ever wanted to be was somebody's prize
as the hospital washed over me like a deep ocean's typhoon
drowning every time i saw myself looking back at you

i felt the latent jealousy of watching you grow up into me
i felt the shyness and fright of my hostility
and if the bad dreams ever let up i swear i'll let you in
like the mountains rumbling and changing the places i've been

if i'm making you feel sick, i'm so sorry
i break everything i touch, a midas built for heartache
if this is who i am then i think i'd better leave it
i understand it's a secret... it's our secret

i can't even feel it as the blood comes out my fingers
all alone again all night well, it fucking figures
i'm a deadbeat sin i'm a stupid kid again
i hope to god for all of your sakes i lose all my friends

if i stay like this i will fucking die
double quarter circle forward if i don't kiss you by tonight
a hundred dollar bill with a label attached reads "xmas"
a final note ripped in half, "i hope you get this"

and i'm making you feel sick and for that i'm sorry
i kill everything i touch, four fingers built for heartache
i'm a deadbeat sin, i'm a stupid kid forever
all because i never could forget her
i never could forget her
Track Name: weird jungles
well now that i know
it's easy to let go
of every word i wrote

and now that my lungs can hold
the length of every note
i don't so much mind the cold

and now that you're here
i can't imagine or clear
your mind out of mine
or rewrite our decline
it just stays still

and so now i'm the
worst person i've ever met
i'm the gray sky
i'm the after math
i'm a storm
unwilling to be born
trapped in a chord

it felt so great to be alive
i had my heart open wide
i guess i'll learn to shut my eyes
before it rains
before it rains
Track Name: k.m.g.m.h.f.d.
there was never any conflict
you deserved it all
i was young and i was jealous
and now can't even recall
i am sorry for who i am
you could have hated me with me
since i breathed until breathing
was a responsibility

i could have taken me out
i could have climbed the ladder up
but like your blooming into greatness
i swallowed my own blood
i didn't want to lose this fight
but i was kickboxing a ghost
of maybe my reflection
at this point who would know

my pride was a bone broke
my wants unclear and vague
i pretended i had patience
but slept under all this weight
but if i apologize
i'll have to give it all up
and i don't want to give in
i want god to punch me in the gut

i'm a fucking hypocrite
under skin i just lay bare
hibernating in self pity
pretending i'm aware
that one day i'll die
and this will all be for naught
i want to relax for two seconds
i want to be fucked

will you hear me
building feared sleep
doubting repeats
under failed dreams

i am here
i am done
even through all of this poetry
i am still my fathers son
i'll never change and i won't try
every word's a bitter lie
you told me this was my diary
well i feel secretive tonight

i'm looking for an exit
wanna change everything about me
i wanna move so far away
i want to float in a dead sea
i want the guilt to eat me up
i want to burn for the inside
i want to list the reasons how
and never state the whys
i wanna live like i could die
i wanna face what's left in life
i want failure in the flight
fuck my name for i'm just K.I.
goodbye (to a few)
Track Name: goodbye
buh bye